Back To School

Well everyone in Southridge seems to be trying to get back in the swing of things and once again I’m left by myself in the neighborhood to keep peace and order. I proudly take my position and promise to keep you updated on events happening in the neighborhood. Events such as Teresa winning Yard of the Month from the Jourdanton Garden Club, even though she has never even seen her own grass. Hell, I work in the yard more than Teresa does. Of course our yard is in competition with Gilbert and Janie’s for crappiest yard of the month. We are one toilet bowl planter away from the Beverly Hillbillies. Sorry Gilbert and Janie, the press has to be honest. Anyway, congratulations Teresa even though we should be congratulating your yard boys. Should we start a betting pool as to how long that sign will last in her yard?
On Thursday night several Southridgians headed to our favorite hang out, The Oasis, for one last chance at the microphone before school starts. As usually we found a song book and started searching for songs numbers to turn into Harvey, however this week we wanted to do some different songs. Jeff was forced into doing his infamous “I’m Too Sexy” and the traditional closer for the evening should always be “Man Of Constant Sorrow,” but other than that we tried some new stuff. The girls tried “Sin Wagon” by the Dixie Chicks and I am still out of breath. Janie and Terri went after a Guns And Roses song, while Jeff & I butchered “Whiskey Lullaby.” I absolutely love that song and I’m so sorry to anyone who was in listening distance. Think we should just stick to “Picture.” The guys were very daring and tried several new songs, but I can’t remember what they were. (Shitty reporting, I know.) I do have to say I love when Levi thrills us with his dancing ability. I need to take a freakin video camera in the O next time to get this guy and put him on You Tube, fabulous!! It’s been a long great summer and we want to thank Harvey and Betty for putting up with us bratty Southridgians. We love yall and we love THE OASIS!!!

Friday was a little slow for Southridgians, especially those who attended karoke on Thursday. Saturday was a hoot though. After Jeff, Jessica, and I got back from a family get together, Jeff & I headed to Club Carpenter to watch the rest of the race. I would say we went down to enjoy the rest of the race, but that is freakin impossible when stupid Kyle Busch is leading and your dude (Dale Earnhardt Jr) is a lap down because of a stupid penalty. Oh by the way, Tim & Terri are liars. On the way home from San Antonio Terri text me with the following, “2nd lap, Dale’s out!” When I replied asking how bad it was, they thought it would be funny to send me this, “Turn 2, wet track, Ragan took him out.” Then Terri proceeded to let me know that unless Jr. can carry his engine, he’s done for the night. As you can imagine I was quite frantic at this point so I did the only thing I could think to do, I called my Daddy. He told me the truth, not like my good friend Terri. (Insert guilt trip here.)

Anyway, Carl Edwards won the Bristol night race and Jr. came home in 17th. I guess I can deal with that, could have been a lot worse. After the race (or flipping between the race and Lord Of The Rings. WTF??????) We watched a bit of the Bob Saget Roast, and then we headed back to the Oasis. To make a long story short, the girls seem to be better at pool than the guys, white chalk does not accessorize well with a slinky brown dress or tight shirt, and you should be at least 18 years old to be allowed to watch home shopping at 2:00 AM on a Saturday night.

Have a great week people!!! Don’t forget that Timmy’s birthday is next Sunday. So who wants to place their bets on Teresa’s sign? The Garden Club does not know what they have gotten themselves into.